Down Deep in the Plotting Shed

Been thinking things through over the last week, was kind of hoping everything would settle down and we’d be able to get back to some kind of normality. But Melanie just seems to be getting more and more frustrated with the whole situation.

It all started when the planners rejected our protest at their application and just went ahead with breaking ground on their development was bad enough. But then to find out that the purpose of the building was not what we were led to believe when we first heard about it. Well… stressful, much. According to reports, one of the workmen had said it was going to be the worlds largest fish and chip shop, but then another workman told Angela who told Diana who mentioned it to Melanie that it was to be a holding house for illegal immigrants’ families seeking diplomatic immunity. I didn’t really believe that, but Melanie also saw it on our villages FaceBook page, so it must have been right.

Apparently, they were not asking for our approval, but merely informing us that there would be some local inconveniences for the next few months. Anyway, it’s still no excuse for Melanie’s actions.   

I should’ve been alerted by the amount of SuperDooperBuilder YouTube videos she’d started to watch, especially as she only used to watch knitting for beginners’ clips. Maybe I was just pleased I wasn’t going to be getting another scarf. I thought, with all the activity overlooking our back garden, she’d just became curious and that we could do some home improvements ourselves. I mean, I’ve always fancied buying a drill!

The amount of time she spent on her iPad online was becoming a problem too. She was a member of umpteen FaceBook groups and was always commenting on other people’s business. Much to the point that I wasn’t that bothered when she started to lock herself away in the garden shed, especially when Wimbledon fortnight was on tele, cos I love watching Serena. I just never gave it a thought as to what she was getting up to in there. Maybe, potting plants? I don’t know.

Anyway, after a while, the development seemed to be going up quite quickly, and if I’m honest, it just looked like new houses – they looked nice. But Melanie was back online reading about a paedophile ring who were operating in local area and that it wasn’t safe go out alone in case the perverts were out.

And then things started to go missing from around the house; cheese grater, colander, Henry the vacuum cleaner, and worst of all, the tv remote control. Smart tv’s are not that smart when you can’t find the remote, a bit like Dalek’s and stairs!

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when the first family moved into the new houses. They had two lovely kids who looked about five or six years old. Their mother looked lovely, and so did their other mother, but when Melanie saw them all she just flipped, and ran for the shed. And that’s when I found out where all the missing stuff had gone. It was all there on show, sticking out like sore thumbs, on the side of the spaceship she’d built. It was a quite impressive site. However, I’m not so sure that the new neighbours were quite as impressed when she started dive bombing over their house with a colander strapped to her head, shouting some quite offensive things at them. I’m not sure where she learnt words like that.

It came to light during the court case that she’d managed to delve into the deep depths of dark web to enable herself to reverse engineer our Henry vacuum along with an old video recorder into a laser guided rocket-launcher. Fortunately for our new neighbours there was a malfunction with Melanie’s Panasonic VHS top-loader and her spaceship went spinning wildly out of control, shooting her over all the new houses and landing in our local duck pond.

Melanie was rescued by a passing dog walker who jumped in to save her. The judge commended the rescuers bravery, and sentenced Melanie to anger management therapy.

Well, she’s been doing the therapy for a few weeks now but I’m not sure its working. A lot more of the houses have been completed with many new friendly faces in our village. They seem lovely, but Melanie just keeps saying it’s wrong because they are not like us!

Hopefully, it’ll all settle down and I can watch the tv in peace, because the Olympics will be starting soon. Melanie is not a fan, so has asked if we can buy her a bigger shed. Seems like a good idea, I can’t see the harm.

The End.

Brief #11 Like the Prose 2021: Anger

Copyright © 2021, Ray Hopkins, All Rights Reserved

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